Do you remember those life alert devices? The ones that were created for seniors to tap to get medical assistance when needed.
Well, I need a few of those because my fallback game is so sick. Let's dig deep.
Here's the deal: I love me.
I love myself enough to know who I should let go & who I should let stay.
I have cut off & distanced myself from many people who have showed lack of support, crossed me or brought misery to my door.
I also love myself enough to know when I need to fall back. Most importantly, I know when I need to fall back from myself. Falling back in a sense of removing myself or taking a few steps back to preserve my peace. One of my favorite things to do.
Often, we are so quick to run to social media & make posts warning people that we will cut them off for what they did or did not do, but will never make threats for the way we treat ourselves. How many times do we overthink? How many times do we damage our mental health with negativity & self-pity? How many times do we allow ourselves to bring bad energy into our own space?
Don't answer that. I know we are all raising our hands right now on the inside.
So, here's the thing...we must get to a point when we automatically block ourselves the same way we block people who bring bad energy into our space. If not, we are basically valuing their presence over ours.
I used to do this. I used to have the best pity parties. I would drink all the wine in the apartment & make the most depressing playlists. I would wrap up in loneliness & waddle in my thoughts. I had the most outlandish thoughts. I would often compare myself to other women. Most times, I felt bad for the things I did not have. I cried myself to sleep and was constantly comparing & stripping myself to the point where I began to question myself. My most common question was, "When did I get to this point in my journey of unloving me?"
I was turning into the very person who I was raised not to be. Doing un-queen things. Seeing myself as an average black woman. Entertaining thoughts that were beneath me.
I did not realize that those thoughts were meant to degrade me as an individual because I had such a buildup of self-hate.
However, there is always a break through. There is always that moment when you feel the urge to disconnect from someone who treats you like crap. Either you delete them off social media, block their number or simply just stop rocking with them. That was my “come to Jesus moment”. I realized that I was mentally & emotionally destroying myself & that's when I decided to cut myself loose. I had to end all negative conversations with myself. I deleted every evil message that I sent myself. I removed myself from my low self-worth mindset. I basically took a season off to learn how to love myself again. I needed to enjoy my time alone. I yearned for myself again. I began to buy flowers for my room. I went for walks around Prospect Park in Brooklyn. I started exercising again. I went to a free yoga class. I found things that relaxed me & things that made me feel good. I made sure it was healthy. I changed for myself.
Here's the trick. Whenever you feel the urge to tap into your negative energy (because it is there) just fall back. The same way you would fall back if someone close were to hurt or offend you. The same way you would if you thought someone was setting you up to rob you, should be the same way you fall back from yourself. You owe it to yourself to protect you from yourself. Sometimes, we can be our biggest enemy. Knowing this has allowed me to check myself at the door.
I am not calling myself perfect because that lower nature side of me still exists. I just choose to fall back when I see myself dipping off.
So, I challenge anyone who is reading this to get one of those life alert devices for yourself. Check yourself, yo!