I haven’t been completely honest with my readers about how my journey of self-exploration began, but I think I’m ready to do it now. One of the reasons I was hesitant about disclosing what spiraled me into this journey was because it involved other people. These are people that I love very much and I didn’t want to put them on public display. Today, I feel differently. It’s not that I want to publicly out my loved ones, but I want to use them as a vessel to tell a common story that has a much deeper meaning/lesson. So, before I dive into it, I want you to read this with an open mind and heart. This is not for judgement purposes, but rather for introspection. I hope the takeaway from this post is one of self-reflection, introspect, forgiveness and rebirth. TRIGGER WARNING: This one might sting a bit, ladies. You’ve officially been warned.
I’ve always been a fan of Beyoncé, but I never really considered myself a part of the Bey Hive until 2016. Formation dropped and you already know Sister Soldier was on board. I bought a ticket to the Lemonade Tour and got all of my life. The Lemonade album and film dropped shortly before I saw Queen Bey in Atlanta, so of course I was all into the music, but my interpretation of it was standard.
At the time, I was in a new relationship and head over heels, too. I couldn’t necessarily receive the message Bey was giving at the time because my experience at the point was surface level. You meet someone, you date, fall in love, get engaged, and get married. If that person cheats or violates the relationship, you either break up or forgive and move on. Surface level. The symbolism and poetry in the film also went right over my head. It wasn’t until my experience changed that my point of view changed.
Earlier this year, I was devastated when I found that my love relationship was not at all what I had thought it was. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think clearly. It was a really painful time for me. I was already depressed and anxious, but this put the icing on my fragile mental health cake. I was having fits of rage and then I’d spiral right back into depression. It was shitty to say the least.
Today, I can look back and be grateful that it happened when it did. I had convinced myself, up until that point, that I was ready for love, a relationship and marriage. I was dead wrong. My relationship falling apart showed me that my relationship with myself, my whole self, had been in shambles long before I jumped into a relationship with another person. And so, the journey of introspect began…
I needed to figure out what was in the shadows of my life. What kind of junk is hiding down there? I had to dig deep and start cleaning up. Which ideas and concepts, that had been sewn into my life from childhood, were no longer serving me as an adult? Recently, I was reading up on Beyoncé and the Lemonade album and I came across a blog post by Kenya K. Stevens called, “The Metaphysics of Lemonade & Beyoncé’s Polyamory”. So…. I won’t lie: the “polyamory” part threw me off at first. I was like “Girl???? What?” I read it anyway. I’m glad I did. After months of reflecting on who I was and who I wanted to be, this blog post helped prove to me why it was time to lay to rest what I thought I knew about relationships. It was time for me to revisit the Lemonade film and get the real message.
My biggest takeaway from Kenya’s post was this: our interpretation of love and relationships is CONDITIONAL. We love on condition. I’m no different. “I love this person as long as they do these things or don’t do these things. Should my partner violate the things I don’t want them to do, I no longer want to be with them or I no longer love them the same. I’m in this relationship only on these terms.” This way of thinking has literally done nothing for us, especially women.
My second takeaway from the post was that as women, we are conditioned to compete for the love of men. With that being the case, how could we expect them to not have their fill? They are doing what they are conditioned to do and so are we, except we often end up with hurt feelings. How many times have we gone after each other instead of dealing with the source of the betrayal?
Now, in no way am I saying that you should put up with toxic behavior. No ma’am Pam! I’m not. What I’m saying is that if we want to experience love with a partner, not surface love, but a deep, soul connection type of love with another human being, you both have to be willing to abandon condition. My loyalty (and my love) no longer have ties to what I do conditionally, nor to what he does conditionally in regard to other people. My only condition is how much love and respect is shown to me, as I am my top priority. I’m madly in love with me (or at least I’m trying to be). Anyone else is simply added value.
My last take away is the most important of the three: There is fortune in misfortune. No part of our lives is by chance. We get so obsessed with what we want that we rush where we are, even though everything we endure is essential to us getting to our true and best version of self. We all have a purpose. Some people know their purpose and some people are still figuring it out. Just because we have determined our purpose does not mean we are prepared or equipped to walk in it. It’s a journey, boo. You still have work to do. If you didn’t, your purpose would already be fulfilled, wouldn’t it? If you haven’t achieved it, you might still have work to do or experience to get. What’s the rush? Do you even know what you’ll do after you reach the goal? Find the good in your bad. Find the gift in your present situation. What can you take with you forward from where you’re standing presently? That’s hard to do when you’re tied to preconceived conditions.
Sis, love is beautiful. Relationships and marriage are beautiful. We were not made to be alone. Companionship is a part of the human experience. It’s not the only part, though. It’s not even the most important part. You are! Live, learn, love, explore and drop the conditions. One of my biggest fears is taking a huge leap into marriage, with all of the conditions that I’ve been taught, expecting unconditional love and a bond, only to realize it’s a mirage and be miserable within a union. I don’t want that, so I must change how I love, not necessarily WHO I love. Remember this: God loves us unconditionally, no matter what we do and we fall short every single time. We are so undeserving of his love, yet we have it abundantly. People who truly believe this make a conscious effort to be better every single day, without God having to coax us or enforce conditions. Aren’t we due the same regard to each other?
Until next time, stay introspective and protect your magic….
To read Kenya’s full post, click here: https://jujumama.com/the-metaphysics-of-lemonade-beyonces-polyamory/