First blog post of the year and I’m struggling to decide which direction I want to go in. I guess I’ll start by saying “Goodbye and GOOD ridding to 2018!” (A few months late, but whatever. I was busy getting my mind right). I made a promise to myself that 2019 was my year for financial transformation, travel and success in work & love. So far, I’m killing work and financial growth. Travel is well under way too. Love? I guess it depends on which angle you’re looking from, but we’ll delve deeper into that in a moment.
I started 2019 with a terrible cold, but I was surrounded by family and friends, so that was a plus. On January 1, my best friend married her best friend. It was such a beautiful and surreal moment. It was amazing to watch to very deserving people share in such a sacred union. I traveled back home with my heart full for them. I spent the next day reflecting on where I was currently standing in my personal life. I had just recently moved into a new home, I was starting a new part time job later in the month and things in my full-time position were on the up & up. But, my personal life and relationships? There was certainly a lot to evaluate. I have a new-found love and appreciation for myself as a person. I’m certainly not perfect. I’m a work in progress, under extensive re-construction. I’ve worked very hard on improving my attitude, my thought process, and my inner self. My outer self was even looking better. I lost a solid 30 lbs without even trying hard.
On the other hand, my relationships with others had consistently been a struggle and that was a little discouraging. From the dramatic, drawn out, downfall of my intimate relationship down to petty turmoil in some of my female friendships, there was definitely discord. I can only accredit this to one thing: I’m not the same. I changed. I grew within myself and, essentially, grew out of the relationships that were no longer serving me. Talk about an emotional journey! Whew, chillay! It has not been easy. AT ALL! I made a ton of mistakes along the way. I was battling with my higher and lower self. Some days, I was as cool as a cucumber. Then other days, I was a raging maniac. I persisted though. I’m still mastering myself and learning how to manage my emotions.I’m still figuring out how to trust my intuition and not be so resistant to moving with my gut feelings.
I had been working on manifesting a new type of energy in my life towards the end of last year, so I knew coming into 2019 that there would be changes. Imagine my surprise when these changes began almost immediately. The day after my best friend tied the knot, I took the day off work to try and recover from the cold that had taken over my body. I remember having an emotional moment that morning, where I cried both tears of joy and sorrow. It was such a bittersweet day. I was happy for my friends and family. I was even happy for myself and my accomplishments, but I was a little sad. I knew that this first portion of my journey through 2019 would be walked alone. Cold winter. My relationship was in complete shambles, but my goals and intentions for myself were clear. I was happy about that part, so I encouraged myself and accepted what was to come. I mustered up the strength to ride over to the Piggly Wiggly to grab a few groceries. As I walked in, I saw him. He was walking out of the store, happily greeting people. I laughed to myself. “Whose dog is this?” Little did I know, he was mine. I took him home, fed him, cleaned him and turned him in at the humane society. 13 days later, Buddy was officially my dog. I guess God said, “Just because I’m not giving you WHO you want to walk with, doesn’t mean I’m not giving you a companion for the walk.” No lie, y’all: My mind was like “GIRL! WE ARE NOT GETTING A DOG!” My heart had other plans.
In addition to my new personal responsibility, I had a lot of projects on the horizon. I wanted to come up with a new series for LMB. I was working on building Girl Guess What Podcast with my co-host, Ashanti. I was also exploring ideas for my next business venture, which ultimately ended up being Goddess & Co. (More info coming soon.) Outside of keeping me busy and a little exhausted, all of these things taught me very important lessons that I’m not sure I fully understood beforehand:
Only the things you fully commit to will grow. I was in the beginning stages of building my personal garden. Much like planting seeds in soil, the growth is not instant. You have to start. (Plant the seed.) Then, you have to commit. (Water the seed. Check on it often.) Give it light. (Sew positive energy into it. Speak life into it.) Do weed maintenance. (Discard what you don’t need. Tweak the parts that aren’t working.) Evaluate your growth. (How far have you come from where you started? What’s your next benchmark?) Keep working in your garden, even though it’s uncomfortable and you’re tired. (Keep going sis! It’s not overnight.) Eventually, it’ll be time to harvest. (Reap the fruits of your labor and revel in your garden of growth.)
Think about this: we were all taught about the Garden of Eden. It was literally the beginning and it still took God a week to create. Today, no one has seen the actual Eden, but I believe it’s a blueprint. We all have to find the tools within ourselves to create our own. It takes time. This logic can be applied to work, business ventures, personal matters, and relationships of all kinds, BUT the first investment should be in you. What YOU commit to fully, including your commitment to yourself, will grow into something phenomenal. This means even when it’s hard. Even when it feels pointless. Even when you don’t get the results you wanted the first time. Even when you would rather be doing ANYTHING else. If you commit yourself to it, it will grow. This even applies to negativity. If you commit yourself doubt, it will continue to grow. If you commit yourself to a “woe is me” attitude, it will grow. If you commit yourself to negative self-talk or low self-esteem, it will grow. If you commit yourself to being broke, stuck, or incapable, you’ll be just that. Beyoncé didn’t become Queen Bey overnight. She committed to her goals. Barack Obama didn’t become the best world leaders of our lifetime overnight and the Obama’s marriage was not always picture perfect. He committed to his life work and they committed to their partnership and each other. Oprah Winfrey didn’t become Big O overnight. Sis had to start at the bottom, just like us and work her way to the top. Stop underestimating yourself. Stop looking for instant gratification because that shit doesn’t exist. Even Kim Kardashian had to start at the bottom of a Porn Hub page. Work! Work with what you have until you have more to work with.
We millennials are spoiled. We are our parent’s pride and joy, so they told us we could do anything and that wasn’t a lie. But they, along with the age of the internet, also made us feel entitled. What’s further, is that as long as we are seeking external validation, happiness will always seem out of reach. The biggest mistake we make is thinking that companionship will grant us a ticket into full validation. It won’t. Being human breeds error, but the soul that lives in you is a divine energy that will be around long after your body leaves. It deserves your best and it can only get that from personal validation. Personal validation, if you don’t have it, will take some time and work to develop, especially in THIS world. Experience is teaching me that you do not get what you do not work for. If you don’t work for the type of relationship you want now, you won’t get it later. If you don’t put in the work on your mental health or personal growth, you’ll be forever bound to depression, anxiety and personal demons/dissatisfaction. If you don’t work on your career goals and earn your stripes, you’ll be looking back 20 years from now wondering what you could’ve done differently. Don’t be that person. Do the work in your Garden of Eden now and reap the fruits of harvest later. Alignment, sis!!! Align yourself with all that is good. Find new appreciation for what you consider bad. (I mean… it could be worse, right?) Don’t be so hard on yourself. Commit to yourself and everything you love. Watch what’ll happen next. Life is part belief, part work and part FATE.
Until next time, stay committed and protect your magic….