I’ll never understand how everything can literally be a mess, but I still feel full. I guess instead of understanding, I should just bask in the feeling of hope. Hope is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The archaic definition is a feeling of trust. Do you trust that the story of your life is already written? Do you believe, with all your heart, that better days are ahead of you? I read somewhere that your heart is the strongest, most important muscle in your body. I believe this to be true, both literally and figuratively. When you were conceived and began to grow in your mother’s belly, the first indication that you were here was your heartbeat. From a figurative standpoint, the phrase “follow your heart” is as common as the air we’re breathing. When we get scared, our heart begins to beat fast and our adrenaline begins to rush. The heart is the driving force, the motor, that revs us up for fight or flight. It’s also the same thing that guides us against all logic and compels us to show love and compassion for others, even when all the logical reasoning advises us against it. Not only is it a key factor in our physical existence but it is the home of our emotional existence as well. When it speaks, maybe we should listen to it.
The month of July has been the most taxing month of my year thus far. After a major, personal fuck up and some serious financial/legal issues, I thought to myself, “What else, God? What are you going to throw at me next?” A year ago, this would’ve been enough to completely break me down. I was a little surprised at the fact that I was holding my composure and not panicking while all this was going on. Then, I got into a car accident that scared the entire shit out of me. As my car was spinning, in what felt like slow motion, I thought to myself “Whatever stops this car from spinning is going to kill me or hurt me badly.” The car stopped, I opened my eyes and I was alive and unharmed. Outside of some soreness, bruising and a little PTSD, I’m fine. However, there’s something about going through a traumatic event that makes you a little more reflective. (Thus, this blog post is being written. Mostly for my sanity.) I don’t know who needs to hear this but….
1. Heartbreak is not only inevitable, but also necessary.
And I hate it. It doesn’t feel good and if you’re not careful, it can destroy you. (If you let it.) Even though this is #facts, there’s a silver lining. The human body is an extraordinary thing. We rarely give it credit. Not only does it house the powerful spiritual being that is you, but it is constantly in a healing process. It is constantly regenerating itself. If you broke your leg, you’d wear a cast to position your leg to heal itself. If you cut your hand, you’d get stitches to help your wound heal. Your heart, the most important muscle in your body, can be broken but it can heal. Emotional trauma, if healed properly, can manifest as a stronger heart. There have been many things in my life that have broken my heart. This sentiment reigns true in my childhood, friendships, love relationships, hopes, fears, career and even in the state of the world. I’ve experienced broken promises, death of loved ones, mistreatment, betrayal and loss. Yet, I still wake up everyday and find a reason to smile, love, forgive, heal and keep going. Life is too short for us to be miserable, sad, lonely, or destructive to ourselves and others. You cannot truly experience the depth of love if you do not know heartbreak in one capacity or another. I’m not telling you to go around breaking hearts. There’re enough natural causes of heartbreak to last us a lifetime. What I will tell you is feel that heartbreak and use it to fuel all things good in your life. Turn your pain into gain. Cling even tighter to the things and people that bring out the best in you. It’s because of sadness and pain that we can feel joy. There will always be moments when we are down, but the beauty is that we don’t have to stay there. The only way from here is up, my love.
2. Love is verb.
And a verb is an action. There’s nothing wrong with saying you love someone or something, but are your actions a reflection of this sentiment? A friend of mine lost her father recently. It’s a devastating, heartbreaking loss, not only for her, but for our entire community. Why? Because he was a prime example of love in action. He was “that” dad. Always there, always involved, always a call away. Not only did he love and father his children, but he loved and fathered many children, me included. He coached our softball teams, he came to every award ceremony and graduation. If we were in a bind or in trouble, he was on the way. He didn’t have to tell us he loved us (even though he would). He showed us. That’s an impact that lasts forever. That’s love and it’s a legacy. So, while we grieve the loss of a great man, we can celebrate the gift of love he left behind. Ask yourself this: What do I want to be known for when I depart this life? Do you want to be remembered for what you said, what you did or how you made others feel? Do you want to leave a lasting imprint on the hearts of the people who knew you? Don’t just say you love her, him, them, us, it, this, or that. Show it. Do it! Act on it to the best of your ability. If there’s breath in your body, it’s not too late. It’s not too late to make it right with the one(s) you love. It’s not too late to pursue that goal or dream. It’s not too late to go for it or step out on faith. Be about that action.
3. Let people love you.
I had to surrender to this myself. I was asking, hell! --begging for love from people, who did not have the capacity to give it to me, mostly because they were not in a position to give it to themselves (to no fault of their own). You know what this did? It diminished the value of the love that I actually WAS receiving. There are people who WANT to love on you! Let them! Don’t undervalue them just because you’re not getting that love (action) from who/where you want it. When you develop a certain love for yourself, you begin to accept love from the unlikeliest of people. You can finally identify actual love. Do this and you’ll start to notice that dreams you haven’t even dreamed yet are beginning to come true. The universe has things for you. Your desires are already available to you. You just have to open yourself up to them. These gifts are not always packaged the way you imagined them. A lot of us have the keys, that open the door to everything we’ve ever wanted, sitting right in our laps, but we are too stubborn to notice. Break down the walls that you’ve allowed resistance and expectation to build. Break up with your attachment to “can’t”, “won’t”, and “shouldn’t”. You. Fucking. Deserve. (There, I said it!) It’s the truth. Don’t waste your precious gifts, talents, and life drowning in doubt and disappointment. Release limitation, discrimination and your attachment to unworthiness and welcome the ones who WANT to sow love into you.
Moral of this blog post is use your heartbreaking experiences to fuel your desires instead of your fears. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to be loved and give love to others. You deserve to be your highest self. Cling to this in the moments when life feels like it’s crumbling around you. Cling to this in your grief. Cling to this in your despair. Cling to it in your celebration too. If no one told you today, I love you. Even if I don’t like you. I love you because I felt these words in my spirit today and after 10 weeks of not being able to write, I sat down and wrote this. I took action, small by some standards, but huge by others. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you are loved, you are needed and it’s not too late for you.
Until next time, heal that heartbreak, love fearlessly and protect your magic…….